Cutting To The Chase PENDERS!!! Edition

The Great Intellectual: I hold in my right pocket a confession dial of which is the last will and testament to the fastest hedgehog alive known as Sonic The Hedgehog that will end this feud with me vs. the likes of Archie and Sega once and for all!
Interviewer: How does it work?
The Great Intellectual: It will only open when I win every case I have against Sega & Archie!
Interviewer: Your tweets once not so long ago you said that you care about Sonic! Since when did you ever care about Sonic? 
The Great Intellectual: Since always! Since the days of The Great War! Since the days of Endgame, Since the day Lara & Julie-Su were conceived, Since the days Sonic fell in love with Amy Rose...One of those was a lie can you guess which one?
Interviewer: That don't sound to me like caring...That sounds to me like a love obsession!
The Great Intellectual: Don't be so harsh! I'm a writer not an illogical psychopath! Try nano brain to rise above the frenzy of the justice system we Americans have and contemplate true penmanship! Penmanship that is is significantly as old as most series and infinitely so complex that not one half @$$ed lawyer could decipher it!

  He definitely is so fine he blows my mind. Now isn't that just saucy! Hey Penders SAY SOMETHING NICE!